Feeling Less Lonely

I’m reflecting on a lot of really interesting responses I got last month to my article about feeling lonely on the web. And maybe now, I’m feeling a bit less so. So thank you to everyone who responded.


A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about feeling lonely on the web, and collective blogs from the web’s history I wouldn’t mind copying. Personally, I’m still pretty interested in a group blog, and I’m thinking about a couple of different ideas there. So maybe more soon on that.

What was a bit surprising was that the post seemed to resonate with some folks. I got some really thoughtful responses in the comments, in my email, and across several different blogs. Which, of course, is revealing and telling in its own way about the kind of connections you can absolutely make through blogging. So I am aware that the outpouring of participation across different mediums is a wonderful counterpoint in and of itself to the question I originally posed about the loneliness of blogging. Which is kind of cool.

But I wanted to highlight some of what I read, because they were so well considered, and maybe respond a bit here and there.

First of all, thank you to everyone who reached out. Several of you told me that you often feel the same, especially about shouting into the void. I hear you. I got to discover a few cool new blogs and newsletters to from some of my readers, so I’ll take that as a bonus.

A few other people pointed to the Fediverse as a model for making writing on the independent web something that feels more communal and connected. In fact, I think maybe a throughline of most of what read is that technology is not the blocker here. In the comments of my post, Alan Levine makes this point rather well.

It’s not a technical problem; the whole space is turned over because of the expectation or desire for an audience, or to be heard. The chase of likes and reposts as some kind of validation. Do you write because you have something to say (you constantly do) or do you write to be heard?

Scott Murray also emailed me with some similar thoughts.

[…] there is more pressure to build your “personal brand” and focus on a specific topic for a specific audience.  If I have a popular typography blog (I don’t) and I mention ice cream, my readers will be like WHOA HE TOTALLY LOST IT and unsubscribe.  But… in a federated model, I can tag my #typography posts separately from my #IceCream posts, and then people interested in those topics (sometimes the same people!) can discover them

So yea. Social media kind of hammered the culture there for a while, molding the authentic self into an inauthentic version that parrots common platitudes in pursuit of a personal brands. A lot of what’s on the IndieWeb and in the Fediverse is an attempt to resist that, in some ways. The technology is absolutely there, and anybody can use it. But we’ve been trained to crave an audience for so long, it can be difficult to go back unless you truly try.

That’s also point that was picked up by Manu in his considered counterpoint, “Blog’s don’t need to be so lonely.” Manu brought his own experience to this point, and talked about his connections to other bloggers and the vast blogosphere that very much still exists. It’s not technology that’s the issue here, he says, it’s just our own willingness to dive in.

I think we have all the tools we need to address the issue Jay’s flagging in his post. Now we just need to actually do it. I think it comes down to linking more to what other people are writing, posting more replies to other people’s posts, and putting some effort into connecting directly with the author when we stumble on a piece of writing that resonates with us.

Well put. The blogosphere, in its many incarnations since the beginning of the web, didn’t happen on its own. In fact, it often happened in stark contrast to expectations for the web (consider the many times that the web has been declared “dead”). It happened through the concerted efforts of its greatest advocates. And if you’re reading this blog you’re probably one of them, and we can all make that effort together.

Manu also offers a good reminder that there are plenty of connections to be had out there, and that being able to globally connect and respond to Internet friends is still, after all these years, nothing short of a wonder.

Tracy Durnell, who certainly has been at this a long time, responded with some thoughts on her own. She grounds collective blogging in the need for a shared set of goals, and a common purpose. Group projects in general, and collective blogs in particular, can quick fall apart without that.

To participate in a collaborative blog, I personally would want a theme and some shared goal / outlook / understanding that gave it purpose and differentiated it from my personal blog.

It’s a point I hadn’t yet considered, and one that is most certainly true. Without common purpose, it’s more than likely that a collective effort falls apart. When reading about examples from thirty years ago, it does strike me in retrospect how much effort it took on behalf of the editors running it.

V.H. Belvadi picked up on Durnell’s post and kept going. Like Manu, he agrees that the Indieweb and federation makes possible connection with readers, something that can cut through and fend off the loneliness. But he extends it just a bit further to the technology itself, reflecting on an idea I off-handedly mentioned about the nature and complexity of personal blog techs that makes it hard to break through.

These are great endeavours but they somehow all come with an immense learning curve, perhaps because they all started off as technically savvy individuals building for other technically savvy individuals and never broke past that bubble. A lot of intentionally commercial technologies were built so you could mindlessly onboard everybody; not Mastodon and not, it seems, a lot of the IndieWeb.

So what do I think after all of this? Frankly, I don’t know. It was great to hear from a lot of you. And I think reflecting the question of “do blogs need to be so lonely” through the prism of readers vs writers wasn’t an angle that I had fully considered. I have more pieces of the puzzle now.

But hearing from people gave me an opportunity to reflect on the web’s ability to bring people together and create opportunities for participation and connection. And for that, at least, I’m grateful.

3 responses to “Feeling Less Lonely”

  1. […] web — people writing, linking, and thinking out loud together. Jay Hoffman’s recent article, Feeling Less Lonely on the Web, did exactly that for […]

  2. Alan Levine Avatar

    Glad to read that the lonely feeling was not so lonely. And awww, I might blush, I got quoted on a post from History of the Web (feeling the desire to search for that clip of Steve Martin and the phonebook).

    It’s also easy to say things about ot caring if stuff gets read, but somewhere deep down I admit I do feel often like, “damn that was good, did anyone notice?”

    That is all counterbalanced by the unexpected comments, or direct emails, messages that often come much later.

    Just keep blogging on!

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